You read the headline, or were just caught up in the shockwave, but yeah, today’s Merrill Kelly vs. Tanner Houck battle turned out to be the epic conclusion to Eugenio Suarez’s epic 10-RBI weekend as the D-Backs swept the series from the Sox, 7-5.

Corbin Carroll led off with a single that was immediately erased on a lineout double play; thank dog, because I didn’t need that stress to start out the day, and Houck got Joc Pederson out to end the frame.

And then it happened. For the second time since his return, our sweet boy Triston Casas went yard to make it 1-0:

I was doing the dishes for a while and half paying attention but nothing important happened until I sat down when there were two out, no outs for Rafael Devers in the fourth. One second later, he did this — hit his 200th career homer — and yes, you’re welcome:

Then Masa Yoshida hit a double and, with a little too much dip on his chip, tried for a triple and… got thrown out by a mile. It was entertaining! Connor Wong then also pounded a single against Kelly, who was really struggling, and David Hamilton walked, and Ceddanne Rafaela absolutely hammered one… but it was right at Carroll, in deep right field.

After a leadoff walk in the fifth by Houck, Sox-killer Eugenio Suarez hit a single to put two on and no outs. Then he walked the bases loaded to face Geraldo Perdomo with the sacks packed, and induced a fielder’s choice that put runners on second and third with one out and 4-1, Sox. A sac fly and single later, it was 4-3, and while that was the end of the damage, it was certainly damaging!

But the Sox struck back. Jarren Duran walked, Wilyer Abreu walked and there were two on, no out in the fifth. At this point, because Tom Caron took a dive from a foul ball nowhere near him, Kevin Youkilis invoked Toonces the Driving Cat, who we are obligated to share:

Youk knows ball, which wasn’t much solace when the Sox wasted the opportunity. But still: A driving cat!

After a seeing-eye single and a walk, in the sixth, however there were two men on for Suarez, who did exactly what you’d expect, and on the first pitch: hit a three-run homer in the direction of the name of this website.

Which, I mean:

A quick pair of half-innings brought the Sox up against relieve Joe Mantiply, whose name I adore, in the seventh, and Romy Gonzalez led off with a single. The threat ended when Duran hit into his second double play of the game — the first time all year he’s “accomplished” that feat.

In the eighth, Suarez hit a single to put two men on with two out and make him 4-4 on the day, but they didn’t score. Neither did the Sox, and Perdomo hit a homer off the Pesky Pole against Lucas Sims in the ninth on the ninth pitch to make it 7-5. It was the quintessential Pesky Pole donger:

BUT Tyler O’Neill wasn’t done, at least, and returned the favor in the ninth almost exactly, wrapping it around the Pole himself:

Unfortunately, and you know this by now, that was that, and the sun got a little lower for the 2024 Sox.